Power of Knowledge

I just posted, and then read Matty's latest blog entry (http://mwstory.blogspot.com/). It reminded me how little I actually know or understand what is happening to him - physically and emotionally/mentally. I remember when we first went to see his PCP about his symptoms (I am so grateful that he is not only willing but glad to have me at his appointments) I suggested that he write a list of symptoms. When I saw the list I was floored. I had no idea the severity or the frequency of what was happening to him. I felt so sad - I had no idea this was happening to him literally just about all day,everyday. The 'signs' if you will, can not be seen by anyone other than Matty really. For all I know, they would happen to him while we were together having dinner or watching tv. There is no sense in 'what if' ing. He was diagnosed and is being treated before any physically life altering effects happened. His body is still in control of itself; he is physically almost unaltered. Yet when I saw his list of symptoms, when I just read his last post, when I know things are ok enough to step back and really look, I can't help but think how much this must have been weighing on him all along. I go back to the snake bite reference. The man is certainly not perfect, no one is, but I wish I could go back in time and take this from him. Still, as early as it is and as odd as it may sound (especially coming from someone who is at the very least agnostic), this has been and I will make sure it will continue to be an overall positive experience. A blessing in disguise if you will. To the exent that it is possible for any human being to win, we will. Trust me.
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